I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
