Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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