I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
