what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
