There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
