guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
