I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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