Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
