you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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