It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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