Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Randomize
