can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
