that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
