I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
