i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
