My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
