I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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