uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm passing your future prison.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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