No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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