i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
