I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
