I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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