So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
