how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
