How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
