WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
