would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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