Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
