i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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