im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
