went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
