got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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