But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
this hospital has no fireball
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
