i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
