You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
