please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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