Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
