His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
