Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
