So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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