dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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