some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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