Ambien. No doubt about it.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
