Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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