you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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