I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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