So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
