I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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