just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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