I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
