Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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