So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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