Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
