Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
