He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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