I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
