grandma shit on top of the toilet
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
